


Lonely

by diduforget123



Category: GOT7
Genre: Coco is there, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Got7 only mentioned, Light Angst, M/M, Mentions of Anxiety, good doggo, implied suicidal thoughts, mentions of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-26 02:34:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20036458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diduforget123/pseuds/diduforget123
Summary: Alone.That's how Youngjae felt.Empty and alone.But with Jackson, he was never really alone.





	Lonely

Nothing was worse than the feeling of being empty inside. Feeling like you constantly mess up, feeling like you are never enough, feeling like you aren’t wanted, feeling… _alone._

Youngjae absolutely hated that feeling; yet, here he was, feeling the exact thing.

Normally when he gets like this he always has Jackson to rely on for comfort, but Jackson was gone, doing promotions in China while they were on break.

He was all alone.

Mindlessly, Youngjae scrolled through the group chat that they all shared, typing and replying quick messages but never really interacting. Whenever he did speak to the other members in the chat he initially would laugh and chat, only to come back to read the messages later and feel guilty, believing that he sounded like a jerk in the messages or that he was being annoying. After that, he would just disappear.

They seemed to not mind when he was gone. Which was fine. He didn’t want them thinking that he was just there for attention. It was just best if he kept quiet even if he didn’t want to.

God. He really missed Jackson.

But Jackson was gone. 

Youngjae knew he would be back. Jackson always came back. But it was that voice inside his head that always tried to make him believe otherwise.

_‘Coming back? Ha. He hates you. He just doesn’t show it to you. Those months in China? The time that he’s away from you? The best time of his life; a time where he doesn’t have to be around your annoying ass.’_

It enveloped his happiness.

It ate at him. Clawed at his insides. The feeling of being empty finally settling in, leaving him in a state of constant anxiety and depression.

…

Youngjae laid motionless in the bed, curled up in a ball, staring at the wall next to him, laying there silently as tears rolled down his cheeks. It was already nighttime in Seoul and the darkness had settled into his room; the only source of light being the dim lights of the surrounding building, thinly seeping into the cracks of his blinds.

It was quiet in his apartment.

Too quiet.

Not even Coco, the most playful pup that Youngjae knew, was making a sound.

He hated it.

Hated there being nothing to focus on.

But suddenly, the shrill chime of his phone went off.

He blinked for a few seconds before pulling his phone off the bedside table and turning on the screen.

It was a notification from the other members.

Youngjae didn’t know why but as soon as he saw that notification he started full on crying. His sobs slowly ringing out through the silent room, making coco whine lightly.

It hurt.

Everything hurt.

He didn’t know why.

He didn’t know why he suddenly got this way but every waking second that he pondered on it, every single moment that he thought about it, that dark and unforgiving voice would slowly make itself present.

_‘They don’t need you Youngjae.’_

_‘They would be fine if you were gone.’_

_‘You being away is probably the best thing that has happened to them.’_

_‘Why would they want someone as terrible as you as a friend?’_

And he believed it.

He believed that they didn’t need him.

Youngjae bit his bottom lip to try and keep in the sobs. He stared at the notification.

_‘Delete it’ _he thought_ ‘it’s fine to be away… forever’_

With a shuddered breath, he swiped the notification away, feeling tears well up in his eyes.

He didn’t want to be here.

It would just be better if he wasn’t here.

He pulled one of the pillows closer to him and let out a choked sob.

Please take him away from here.

…

-

…

Youngjae’s cries lasted for quite some time, echoing around the whole apartment.

Unbeknownst to him, someone began to enter his apartment. Coco, who had been sitting on the edge of the bed, quickly got up and ran to the door as she heard it open, barking loudly at the intruder and running around his heels. The intruder screeched.

“Coco calm down it’s just me, Jackson, your step doggy daddy!”

The Chinese man laughed as the dog didn’t stop barking at him. He stooped down and picked up the dog into his arms and patting her head. She abruptly stopped barking and turned her head towards Youngjae’s room before looking back up at Jackson before barking happily at him and licking his face.

“See I knew you knew who I was” Jackson chuckled and looked around the apartment. “Coco where is daddy?”

The dog barked and made an attempt to escape from Jacksons arms.

“Okay okay I’ll let you down but show me where your daddy is”

Coco yapped at him before rushing off to Youngjae’s room, doing exactly what Jackson asked her to do.

Jackson smiled and followed the dog to the room, only to have his smile drop once he stepped inside the doorway.His heart broke as he finally heard the cries that had been covered by the dogs barking.

“Youngjae-ah?” He asked quietly as he walked over to the bed.

The crying suddenly got quieter.

“J-Jackson?” the younger croaked.

“Oh Jagi… what happened?” He climbed up onto the bed and pulled Youngjae into his arms, causing the other to break into tears yet again.

“Baby”

…

“Youngjae my love what happened?”

“Y-you and I- and-” Youngjae sobbed while clenching his fists into the olders shirt. Jackson sighed sadly and slowly rocked himself and Youngjae back and forth. He hated seeing him like this, especially after he had been gone but there was nothing he could do other than being here for Youngjae now.

The older rocked them both until Youngjaes crying stopped and his breathing became steadier. After that, they sat there in silence, Jackson not wanting to push the younger until he was ready to speak.

“Jackson?” The younger whispered and peered up to try and make out the others face in the dim light.

“Yes Jagi-ah?...”

“Are you back? Are you staying?” The younger asked ever so slightly, voice cracking at the very end.

“Yes my love,” Jackson murmured and leaned down to kiss Youngjaes forehead “I’m staying.”

The other contently buried his face in Jacksons chest breathing in the scent of Jackson.

“Youngjae?”

He blinked.

“Yes?”

“Are you going to tell me why you were crying my love? You had me really worried.” Youngjae internally cringed at those words. He felt bad because Jackson wasn’t supposed to see him like that; he hated that he had to see him like that.

“I- I felt alone…” Youngjae replied. “I missed you and I- I just felt alone again.”

Jackson sighed.

He knew how Youngjae got and he only wished he could have been here before it got to this point.

“I’m sorry you felt alone Jae, but know that you are _never _alone. You have me always on call or text, and you have five other members who love you no matter what. They told me so.”

“They did?” He asked curiously.

“Yep. They text me sometimes when you are working on songs for us, to have me tell you that they love you and hope you are doing well”

At that, Youngjae felt more tears come out, sniffling a little bit. Alarmed, Jackson pulled Youngjae out a little bit to see his face clearer.

“Youngjae are you crying again?”

Youngjae chuckled and wiped his tears away.

“They are… happy tears of a sort”

The older breathed out a sigh of relief. “Good”

“I’m just happy that I have such great friends” Youngjae paused “and such a great boyfriend who cares for me when I get like this because I know it isn’t easy.” The younger reached up and cupped the others face, running his thumb against his cheeks.

Jackson leaned down and captured Youngjae into a soft kiss.

“I’m always going to be here for you sunshine, especially if you are feeling a little grey…”

Youngjae smiled against the others lips.

He may sometimes be alone.

He may sometimes not feel like he has anyone.

But Youngjae knows that even if Jackson is no longer able to be there for him, he will _always _ be there for him.

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes pain is an inspiration <3
> 
> Check out my twitter @LeeChanIsAKing


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